Essendon VS Adelaide

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OK without Lloyd the Bombers look to be in bad shape, but they have been playing great the last few weeks and look primed to cause an upset.At $7 head to head, its well worth a shot.

Go for it you pussy, im going to drop a Dame Nellie on it. Plus we all know that Adelaide is weird, not sure what that has to do with betting , but i felt like it was relevant.

"Australia might have overhauled their personnel but they won't be changing their game plan against South Africa in Brisbane on Saturday - their last chance this year to win on home soil."

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Not changing their game plan?

They bloody better. How about change it to read: "WIN". For shits sake. Aussie Rugby is pretty horrendous lately. It must be really hard to be a die hard Rugby fan. Don't get me wrong,   I enjoy watching a game as much as the next bloke, but its almost like "why bother watching, the Wallabies? I know they are going to get their asses kicked anyway."

Don't let the score of the last loss fool you they were mauled by the Springboks.

Which brings me to my next point..... The name....I bet if they change their name from "Wallabies" to something more fear inspiring, then perhaps we'd win more. No one is frightened of a Wallaby! Lets call them the Tax Auditors, or perhaps The Decapitators...something better than Wallabies. I know Springboks aren't scary, but at least they have fucking gnarly horns to mash you up with!

Here is what the Wallabies should do.
1. Change their pussy name.
2. Change the game plan from "lets try and stay close with penalty kicks" to "rip off their fucking heads and mount their women...oh and win the game also."
A very simple game plan, cos lets face it, these fuckers can hardly tie their own shoes, let alone decipher a detailed game plan.

What would you choose as the new Wallaby name?

"Australia's men's basketball team has won the Boris Stankovic Continental Cup in Kunshan City, China, beating Turkey 69-52 in the final.

Australia led by 14 points at half-time and Turkey failed to get the margin back to single digits in the second half."

LINK

Ok I am a big basketball fan. Massive in fact. I love all sports but hoop wins out everytime. That said, the local product is a joke. Australia just won the Continental cup in China, and no body knows about it?! Its a disgrace. The Cricket? We lose the fucking ashes and its front page news. The Rugby? We lose to the Springboks and everyone knows. We lose the Rugby League world cup? Every person in Australia is pissed. But when we actually win something?! Nada. My theory is that the Basketball players are too well bahaved. No scandals to grab the publics attention, and instead of using that good boy image to promote the sport those faggoty arse execs at the NBL/Basketball Australia are too busy being retarded, licking windows, and getting excited about thier wiggles lunchbox, to do anything about it. Get these mother fuckers some helmets before they hurt themselves.

So instead of hearing about decent humans winning international competitions, we have to hear about loosers bashing thier girlfriends, using fake blood, shitting in hallways, getting into fights at clubs and running from the cops. What a fucking Shame.
 Basketball in Australia needs a new regime. A new group at the top. Cos these loosers are fucking it up big time!

 That said, Conratulations to the Aussie Basketball players. Well dome fellars.

Well it's AFL finals time. This time of year is always great. It means only 4 more weeks of Dennis Commetti and Bruce "I've never played a sport in my life" McAvaney. I hate listening to these pricks call the football. For one, Bruce would shit his pants if you so much as threw a football to him. Its typical channel 7 bullshit. You all know what I mean... Channel 7. They have the lamest commentators, the most girly- head-fuck shows, the worst movies and its all the same shit everytime , just re-packaged.... Seriously if I have to put up with one more version of Ally McBeal/Greys Anatomy/Home and Away/Bridget Jones, I'm going down to blow up the local channel 7 TV transponder. The shows are all the same. they go something like this :  An average to ugly looking woman (who apparently has some sort of professional qualifications), has the hots  for an above average looking man,... he falls for her despite there being a fuck load of hotter women around and despite the fact that she is some sort of retard. And surprise surprise he finds out that she has a million annoying little hangups and baggage issues, but doesn't care because its true love ..*SPEWS*  FUCK OFF Channel 7. This shit doesn't happen. Better than average looking men DO NOT fall for pathetic bumbling types. They go for that hot chick with big tits that puts out. Brusey is just like those crappy shows. He's the annoying bumbling chick, that no one in real life would fuck.   Lets hope that he loses his voice or gets fired before the finals start, I am sick of him and Commetti circle jerking each other, while rambling some cliche's and drivel that a 6 year old could come up with.

YAY!! Finals Footy is here. Only 4 weeks to go.

"Initially banned for a year for faking a blood-injury in the Heineken Cup quarter-final against Leinster, he decided to reveal full details of the deception and subsequent cover-up at his appeal."

LINK


Most contact sports these days have a blood rule, which, for those crossword doing nerds out there means whenever blood starts pumping out of someone, they get dragged off to get fixed up. This could mean anything from shoving things in bloodied orifices to block the flow, to massive bandages that put an Egyptian mummy to shame. Most sports that I have coached from the couch just sub these players off, and chuck someone else on to fill the breach; Rugby Union has this rule but with a slight difference to most in that you have 10 minutes to get rid of the blood, and get the player back on the paddock.
 
Now watching the game on TV you normally see these subs come off, and in a lot of cases I swear you would need friggin binoculars to see the blood, and the ref sends the pansy back on if he think he’s putting it on (which to be honest I’ve never seen), but it seems an English Rugby Club, the Harlequins, have come up with a way to sub people off when they need to …fake blood. Yep you read it, they get some sauce, spray it on the player and off they go and fresh legs come on, which can completely change the game! Thank goodness some vampire has spotted the difference and the club are now in a shit load of trouble they have affectionately called “bloodgate” . After Ricky didn’t listen to me and we lost the Ashes, boy am I overjoyed English rugby is taking a beating.

Spoonman

ED:
Holy fucking shit! Someone please hit these fucking fuckers in the mouth with a fucking shovel. Give them a real blood injury! Disgraceful!

By The Urban Athlete

Something I've never understood is the interviewing of athletes. Why after an awesome match/game do we have to be subjected to 5 mins of bullshit? Footy players are the biggest purveyors of verbal diarrhea on the planet. Every night I have to watch one of them pretend to have an opinion on something. Lets face it, do we really want to know what was going through his mind when he got kicked in the nuts? No! We know what happens when nuts get hurt. He was shitting him self & crying, we saw that.
The interviews are wasted airtime. They're only going to say what they think sounds best, not what they thought. We know they don't actually think, anyway and who cares if they do? We don't sit in the stadium to find out who thinks what? That's the Oprah show. We want to see some kicking of ass. So why does the media feel the need to try to convince the viewing public that these guys are all sensitive & feeling. In all honesty the thought of a sensitive footy player makes me feel sick.
 
Here I have a quick translation guide, this will prevent you from hurling at the end of sports coverage, and make you feel at ease instead of confused about what the idiot just tried to say.
 
" Yeah the Dockers put up a hell of a fight"        ............................... " We knocked the shit out of those pussies"
 
" There was a lot of commitment out there today"........................... " Cunts everywhere, had to hit them"
 
"Like to thank my wife "............................." Suck hole suck hole, I hope none of the boys dobbed me in about Saturday's orgy"
 
" Like to thank god"................................." I'm a criminal, sell crack, will rot in eternal damnation. I hope I'm fooling you right now"
 
" He put in a great effort in training, just didn't come through on the day" ......................." Fucking fail, what a waste of time, LOOSER, always knew he was a puss bag"
 
" Id like to apologize for my actions" etc etc....................."Sorry they caught me, will find an ugly hat to diguise myself next time I smash someone when I'm pissed"
 
 
Then there are the screw ups! I've never understood the need for a press conference from these guys. I understand that athletes screw up much more than normal people and need to apologize for the gangbanging/drug possessing, getting pissed and punching on in a club and group sex with women that changed their minds once the fairy dust wore off. However, scrunching paper, sweating, stuttering and a complete lack of eye contact with the camera while gabbling bullshit is not good viewing. Why don't they pay an actor to memorize the garbage and perform it with actions on their behalf or a even a dude in a mascot suit saying "Sorry for getting drunk", would make better viewing. I'd personally like to see SQUATCH from the old Seattle Supersonics apologizing for running a muck in the pub. I'd then get a visual of the hairy mess drinking whole kegs of beer and wrestling patrons to the ground. You have an actual sport right there!

The last area of sports coverage that could do with a revamp would be the explanation of injuries. I'm not really all that full bottle on cruciate ligaments or solaplexes. Why don't they call it like it is? So we can understand quickly and add them up. 3, run over by a bus versus, one hit with a tomahawk and a crybaby. Now I get it. The Broncos are going down!!!! I just hope no one asks them how they were "feeling" as they were trampled by dudes from the meat-works. "I was feeling so exposed and humiliated, my suppressed father issue was re-surfacing and I was feeling violated"
 
Kleenex your official NRL sponsor

Being a reluctant coach to three boys, I'm always on the look out for gems of wisdom I can pass on to my mini-me's.

  I was watching UFC 100, extreme fighting for those peasants who don’t know, it was a match between Georges St-Pierre and some bloke with a nickname of “Bulldog”. Now Bulldog was getting a bit of a lesson from Georges, who can't seem to do anything wrong, the bell goes for the finish of the 4th round and the fighters go to their corners (does an octagon have corners? I suppose it sort of does) for a “G”up from the coach. Now, Georges has done his groin in and he tells his coach,and that's when this little gem of wisdom popped up... The coach tells him something along the lines of “I don’t want to know about your groin”, “I don’t care about your groin”, and the best one “it’s the championship round ,hit em with your groin”. This was said all in a normal, easy-going tone, not the expected yelling type you are used to with a coach. George just blinked a bit, listened to a few more instructions, got up and got to slapping Bulldog a bit more (without showing any pain from said groin injury). Now all I have to do is transfer that gem to my kids when they pull a heart muscle, due to me asking to clean their f#ckin toy room.

 
Spoonman

"A "devastated" Lance Franklin won't take part in Hawthorn's last bid for a berth in the AFL finals after being found guilty of rough conduct at the tribunal.

The Hawks will be without their superstar forward for Saturday's virtual elimination final against Essendon - where the winner grabs eighth spot and the loser misses the finals - because of his bump on Richmond's Ben Cousins. "

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OK I enjoy watching a game of aerial ping pong as much as the next bloke, but as the Urban athlete touched on in latest column, Sports, and AFL in particular is becoming a joke. Buddy Franklin has been hit with a suspension for his bump on Ben Cousins. This is BULLSHIT. I don't even like Hawthorn, or Franklin. But to suspend a guy for a bump is a joke. Cousins was probably coming off a cocain bender and passed out anyway. I can't think of a guy more deserving of a good old fashioned rough up than Cousins. The way things are going there will be more contact in lawn bowls (some of those geriatrics can be pretty feisty you know). I'm not even saying bring back the biff, I am just saying let the men who are getting paid a lot of money to play a CONTACT sport, have some contact.


AFL bosses and tribunal, you are becoming a joke. Maybe you should suspend yourselves for a few weeks?! Fuckers.