Lesson for all "nice girls"
"RUSSELL Brand romanced model Christy Peterson for three months without seeing another girl. Then he told her to go shopping with his mum and had sex with a fan and a stripper"
LINK
I hate to say it, but his Girlfriend does look a bit like a dud root. She looks like a "nice girl" , and don't get me wrong, they are sometimes hot in the sack, but most of them they just lay there like a dam corpse.
So it is no surprise that Russell had it off with a "fan" and a stripper? Now we are talking! I'm sure that she loves the shit out of him and I'm sure Russell has genuine feelings for her. Here's what I can't work out. So he says he is having an "urge" and he has a serious addiction... and her grand plan is to get him to play footy? Seriously that was never going to work. Her only choices were to either 1) put out on the spot, do it with him somewhere a little "dangerous" you know something exciting, or 2) join in with the other girls. This, is why we know she is a 'nice girl'. She did neither. If you go out with a normal sex addict, curing the addiction is going to be very hard, but going out with a superstar rich and famous one? No chance. It'd be far easier to treat the symptom...meaning you're going to have a hard time getting them to stop, so you need to be creative and adventurous to keep them faithful.
Boring "nice girls" don't belong with rock stars, famous party animals or people with sex addictions. They belong with teachers, with accountants and asians with small johnson's. This is one of the facts of life. If someone would explain this to them there would be a shit load less tears in the worlds.
Oh Russell, by the way.... What's with liking ugly ones? I don't get it? You fucking weirdo.
LINK
I hate to say it, but his Girlfriend does look a bit like a dud root. She looks like a "nice girl" , and don't get me wrong, they are sometimes hot in the sack, but most of them they just lay there like a dam corpse.
So it is no surprise that Russell had it off with a "fan" and a stripper? Now we are talking! I'm sure that she loves the shit out of him and I'm sure Russell has genuine feelings for her. Here's what I can't work out. So he says he is having an "urge" and he has a serious addiction... and her grand plan is to get him to play footy? Seriously that was never going to work. Her only choices were to either 1) put out on the spot, do it with him somewhere a little "dangerous" you know something exciting, or 2) join in with the other girls. This, is why we know she is a 'nice girl'. She did neither. If you go out with a normal sex addict, curing the addiction is going to be very hard, but going out with a superstar rich and famous one? No chance. It'd be far easier to treat the symptom...meaning you're going to have a hard time getting them to stop, so you need to be creative and adventurous to keep them faithful.
Boring "nice girls" don't belong with rock stars, famous party animals or people with sex addictions. They belong with teachers, with accountants and asians with small johnson's. This is one of the facts of life. If someone would explain this to them there would be a shit load less tears in the worlds.
Oh Russell, by the way.... What's with liking ugly ones? I don't get it? You fucking weirdo.
Steve Irwin Who?
"A MAN wades into the water and whistles. What happens next is almost beyond belief.
A half-tonne crocodile swims up but instead of making a meal of the man, the two begin to play-wrestle.
Meet Costa Rica's own Crocodile Man, 52-year-old Chito, and his best mate Pocho, a five-metre, 445kg croc, who put on this show for amazed crowds at a lake in Siquirres"
LINK TO GALLERY
LINK TO STORY
SON OF A BITCH! How is this even possible? This is going to blow my mind for weeks. Even though I am sure that in a few weeks he'll wind up with his fucking head eaten off, he's a bloody hero. That or he's stumbled ontop some sort of pussy gay Croc! $50 says he's single and stays that way! I mean what women wants a gay croc as her partners "ex" ? Which brings me to my next point...It is gay if your getting tailpiped by a half tonne Croc?
A half-tonne crocodile swims up but instead of making a meal of the man, the two begin to play-wrestle.
Meet Costa Rica's own Crocodile Man, 52-year-old Chito, and his best mate Pocho, a five-metre, 445kg croc, who put on this show for amazed crowds at a lake in Siquirres"
LINK TO GALLERY
LINK TO STORY
SON OF A BITCH! How is this even possible? This is going to blow my mind for weeks. Even though I am sure that in a few weeks he'll wind up with his fucking head eaten off, he's a bloody hero. That or he's stumbled ontop some sort of pussy gay Croc! $50 says he's single and stays that way! I mean what women wants a gay croc as her partners "ex" ? Which brings me to my next point...It is gay if your getting tailpiped by a half tonne Croc?
Rat eating plant!
LINK
"A DEADLY plant that eats RATS has been discovered by British experts.
The giant pitcher plant - believed to be the largest meat-eating shrub - lures rodents into its slipper-shaped mouth and dissolves them with acid-like enzymes. "
Holy shit! Sell the cat, sell the dog and buy me one of these little beauty's. This fucker eats Bugs AND Rats. Its a spider and a cat rolled into one. What could be better than a Spidercat? - eating all the most annoying things in your life,.... If someone can workout how to teach this thing to dispose of Jehovah Witness's we would truly have the find of the century. In any case its fucking great! I know they officially named it after David Attenborough, but I am dubbing it "Spidercat the noble."
The Mate Rules.
The Mate rules are THE set of rules that all men must play by to retain their mate status. Once your mate membership has been revoked you become part of the Ricky Martin faggot club, its hard to get back from there.
1. Never cut a mates grass. Married, and engaged women are off limits. (unless its a hens night - then they are fair game)
2. Never leave a man behind. This rule pertains to "the hunt". If a man gets stuck talking to a heifer, and cannot escape, YOU MUST RESCUE HIM, even if he doesn't want to be rescued. He'll thank you later.
3. Always cover for a mate, If his wife/partner/boss calls and queries if he was with you last night, confirm that he was. And if needs be, lie and say he's still with you (but unable to come to the phone because he is detained in the bogger or something similar).
4. Its OK to settle disagreements with a punch up, as long as you have a beer together afterwards. In said fightm, Never Ever punch a man when his back is turned, This is a dog act and incurs immediate expulsion from the man club.
5. If your mate is wearing a disgusting shirt, don't hurt his confidence by saying he looks gay, instead accidentally spill your drink or kebab on it, so he has to change before going out.
6. Never COCK BLOCK a mate (unless its a heifer). It doesn't matter if it's your sister, your mum, or that girl that you saw first. If you didn't call it or make your move first, get out of the way, and let your mate have a shot(and assist him if you can).
7. Never go after a mates sister or mother without permission. Somewhat counter to the previous rule, but if both sides follow both rules everything should work out fine.
8. If you "call it" on a particular hottie, once entering a club, you must make a move, or initiate some sort of contact within the first hour. Otherwise she is back on the menu for everyone else. If you have made said move, she is then off limits to all mates until you declare she is "not your type".
9. The Wingman role.... Now in certain circumstances this may require you to take one for the team - chat up that Ugmo, so you mate can get a shot at a Hottie. Never root the Ugmo, its better to escape . The best excuses for NOT bonking that POG are as follows
- "I'm waiting till I get married"
- "I don't sleep with people until I get to know them."
- "I have herpes."
- "Sure thing, I'll meet you out back." You then make a break for it - the next club will surely hold better luck.
N.B Only acceptable if the previous 3 excuses didn't work, as it may require you to leave a man behind. This is the only acceptable circumstance in which you can leave your wing(BUT be warned the Ugmo had better be REALLY FUCKING UGLY and/or FAT)
If you have suggestions for amendment the Code or any comments email us at contactus@nothinbutsport.com
Lady Gaga not a Lady!
"The footage has been published on Bossip.com along with extended version of the above quote where Lday Gaga says: "It’s not something that I’m ashamed of, just isn’t something that I go around telling everyone. Yes. I have both male and female genitalia, but I consider myself a female. It’s just a little bit of a penis and really doesn’t interfere much with my life."
LINK
Now firstly, I don't know if this is true, but I would bet anything that a large many of you, have just headed to 'the Can' to have a good old fashioned spew. I mean anyone who has watched a Lord Gaga music clip and then... shall we say... been 'inspired' to have a 'Fap', Must be feeling very unsure of yourselves right now.
I won't deny that the idea of Lord gaga "giving her/him self a 'stiff one' doesn't appeal to my dark side(in a 'is it even possible' kind of way), but any fapping over her/him in the past is now in the "never speak of again" basket..
...You want my advice? If you were one of the unlucky ones, then don't watch the video! That shit will haunt your dreams and likely make you flaccid.
LINK
Now firstly, I don't know if this is true, but I would bet anything that a large many of you, have just headed to 'the Can' to have a good old fashioned spew. I mean anyone who has watched a Lord Gaga music clip and then... shall we say... been 'inspired' to have a 'Fap', Must be feeling very unsure of yourselves right now.
I won't deny that the idea of Lord gaga "giving her/him self a 'stiff one' doesn't appeal to my dark side(in a 'is it even possible' kind of way), but any fapping over her/him in the past is now in the "never speak of again" basket..
...You want my advice? If you were one of the unlucky ones, then don't watch the video! That shit will haunt your dreams and likely make you flaccid.
Miss Tatoo Australia
"The competition is open to anyone over the age of 18 whose got a decent amount of artwork done. "
LINK TO GALLERY
Ok here's what I cant work out. I have seen loads of tatoo'd chicks that are hot. WHY WHY WHY are some of these chicks wearing bikini's? Seriously, if its about the Artwork then put them in a singlet or something. I mean don't get me wrong, one or 2 of these ladies are smoking hot. But the some in the group is pulling the average way down.
LINK TO GALLERY
Ok here's what I cant work out. I have seen loads of tatoo'd chicks that are hot. WHY WHY WHY are some of these chicks wearing bikini's? Seriously, if its about the Artwork then put them in a singlet or something. I mean don't get me wrong, one or 2 of these ladies are smoking hot. But the some in the group is pulling the average way down.
Haggis is NOT from Scotland!?
"A haggis recipe was published in an English recipe book hundreds of years before any evidence of the dish in Scotland, an historian has claimed.
Historian Catherine Brown told the Daily Telegraph that she found references to the dish inside a 1616 book called The English Hus-Wife. "
LINK
OK now the world is officially upside down.And I'm not sure I can cope. Haggis is not Scottish? What the hell is going on. I mean I knew those dirty kilt wearing Scottish bastards were dodgy, but to steal a dish from elsewhere and claim it as your own "national dish"? That's low, even for a Scot. I guess I can make the adjustment needed for this revelation, as long as no-one tells me that Meat Pies aren't Australian.
Historian Catherine Brown told the Daily Telegraph that she found references to the dish inside a 1616 book called The English Hus-Wife. "
LINK
OK now the world is officially upside down.And I'm not sure I can cope. Haggis is not Scottish? What the hell is going on. I mean I knew those dirty kilt wearing Scottish bastards were dodgy, but to steal a dish from elsewhere and claim it as your own "national dish"? That's low, even for a Scot. I guess I can make the adjustment needed for this revelation, as long as no-one tells me that Meat Pies aren't Australian.
AMAZING Whale rescues Drowning sheila
"A BELUGA whale saved a drowning diver by hoisting her to the surface, carrying her leg in its mouthTerrified Yang Yun thought she was going to die when her legs were paralysed by crippling cramps in arctic temperatures."
WOW! Fuck the life guards. We should get one of these bad boys at every pool and beach in the country. This is totally amazing! How did this whale even know that the chick was going to drown? Im speechless and that doesn't happen to me very often. Just one more reason we need to stop the Japanese pricks from hunting down all the whales.
WOW! Fuck the life guards. We should get one of these bad boys at every pool and beach in the country. This is totally amazing! How did this whale even know that the chick was going to drown? Im speechless and that doesn't happen to me very often. Just one more reason we need to stop the Japanese pricks from hunting down all the whales.
DOG BEER!
"Our dogs loved beer but it is so bad for them. They were always trying to sneak a sip so we decided to make them beer they could enjoy.
After extensive research of the beer brewing process we developed Dog Beer which is non-alcoholic and non-carbonated, so it is safe for dogs. Even better it is beef flavoured – YUM!"
LINK
Now this is great! I was about to ring these genius folks and put in an order... until i read it was non-alcholic. What a Wrought! I bet we'll hear about thier beloved dogs biting thier dicks off while they sleep. I mean no-one wants to drink non-alcholic beer, not even dogs. The dogs were clearly after a beer buzz, and now they have been robbed of it by thier owners they'll be pissed off! Someone calls these schmucks and warn them before it's too late.
-Max
After extensive research of the beer brewing process we developed Dog Beer which is non-alcoholic and non-carbonated, so it is safe for dogs. Even better it is beef flavoured – YUM!"
LINK
Now this is great! I was about to ring these genius folks and put in an order... until i read it was non-alcholic. What a Wrought! I bet we'll hear about thier beloved dogs biting thier dicks off while they sleep. I mean no-one wants to drink non-alcholic beer, not even dogs. The dogs were clearly after a beer buzz, and now they have been robbed of it by thier owners they'll be pissed off! Someone calls these schmucks and warn them before it's too late.
-Max
Mike the Headless Chicken
21/07/2009
"On Monday, September 10, 1945 at 6:45AM PST, farmer Lloyd Olsen of Fruita, Colorado, had his mother-in-law around for supper and was sent out to the yard by his wife to bring back a chicken. Olsen failed to completely decapitate the five-and-a-half month old bird named Mike. The axe missed the jugular vein, leaving one ear and most of the brain stem intact."
from Wikipedia
Why has no-one told me about the possibility of a Zombie chicken? Seriously, a chicken with no head living for 2 years?! This mother fucker is even tougher that a real Zombie, unless I have it wrong "real zombies" die when decapitated, this mega chicken Zombie lasted 2 years (well 18 months, but who's going to argue with a headless chicken!)! I cant really say enough about this but I'm totally going out to try and replicate Mike. If I fail then everyone's invited to mine for fried chicken.
"On Monday, September 10, 1945 at 6:45AM PST, farmer Lloyd Olsen of Fruita, Colorado, had his mother-in-law around for supper and was sent out to the yard by his wife to bring back a chicken. Olsen failed to completely decapitate the five-and-a-half month old bird named Mike. The axe missed the jugular vein, leaving one ear and most of the brain stem intact."
from Wikipedia
Why has no-one told me about the possibility of a Zombie chicken? Seriously, a chicken with no head living for 2 years?! This mother fucker is even tougher that a real Zombie, unless I have it wrong "real zombies" die when decapitated, this mega chicken Zombie lasted 2 years (well 18 months, but who's going to argue with a headless chicken!)! I cant really say enough about this but I'm totally going out to try and replicate Mike. If I fail then everyone's invited to mine for fried chicken.
MYTHS BUSTED
OK. According to recent research I have found that the following myths are untrue. And as MEN we need to adjust accordingly.Tears of relief are totally acceptable in this case. Ok gents Brace yourself. SHIT JUST GOT REAL..
MYTH #1. "It takes 7 years to Digest Chewing gum"
WRONG! It takes no longer than any other food to get from mouth to arsehole.
MYTH #2 "Adult Brain Cells are unable to regenerate"
WRONG! MIT recently proved that adult cells DO regenerate ( albeit slower) So this means that you CAN have a bender and snort the shit out of that line. Stop bitching about killing your brain, cos it comes back!
Myth #3 "Human Hair and Nails continue to grow after death"
WRONG! The Human body and Skin shrinks after you bite the dust. Nails and Hair stay the same size. They just look bigger next to your rotting carcass. Asain boys, maybe get your scientists onto this one...they may be able to work out a way of rotting your body in targeted area's while you are alive and make captain twinkie's size look more acceptable.
Now that we have saved the day by breaking these life inhibiting myths, go out swallow a pack of gum, get on the white horse and scull that bottle of goon! Then go to the pub and use your new found information to impress that hot chick, take her home and ...well you know the rest! And use a Franga! Remember Gents, the Clap doesn't care how awesome you are! Test forum
More Myths from Perthnow
MYTH #1. "It takes 7 years to Digest Chewing gum"
WRONG! It takes no longer than any other food to get from mouth to arsehole.
MYTH #2 "Adult Brain Cells are unable to regenerate"
WRONG! MIT recently proved that adult cells DO regenerate ( albeit slower) So this means that you CAN have a bender and snort the shit out of that line. Stop bitching about killing your brain, cos it comes back!
Myth #3 "Human Hair and Nails continue to grow after death"
WRONG! The Human body and Skin shrinks after you bite the dust. Nails and Hair stay the same size. They just look bigger next to your rotting carcass. Asain boys, maybe get your scientists onto this one...they may be able to work out a way of rotting your body in targeted area's while you are alive and make captain twinkie's size look more acceptable.
Now that we have saved the day by breaking these life inhibiting myths, go out swallow a pack of gum, get on the white horse and scull that bottle of goon! Then go to the pub and use your new found information to impress that hot chick, take her home and ...well you know the rest! And use a Franga! Remember Gents, the Clap doesn't care how awesome you are! Test forum
More Myths from Perthnow
Dockers Fail
Well the Dockers layed a massive brown egg all over the dam field in Adelaide. Freo only scoring one goal (for the entire Freaking game) was like a Teenage boy's first time: plenty of effort, plenty of near misses, but mostly alot of sweating and only one party left satisfied. Except in this case It wasn't the newly de-viginised bloke that was left satisfied, it was the older more experienced chick named "Adelaide"
-Max
-Max
